Following the recent Weinstein scandal Dani Pearce responds with ‘#MeToo’ essay

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13923640_10210309272959088_1165252174742674240_o (1).jpgCB Exclusive: In response to the recent Weinstein scandal, freelance director’s assistant Dani Pearce (left) shares her views on issues of harassment within the industry.

The Weinstein scandal. It would be strange not to acknowledge my personal proximity to this global headline. I’m a freelance director’s assistant in the commercial film industry and am now moving into full time directing. Thus, I have spent my whole career almost exclusively under the management of men in this industry. I have been trying to wrap my head around the Weinstein events since the network of silence has begun to unravel. Simply – I can’t stop thinking about it. It has been a reflective time in which I’ve thought extensively about countless conversations, interactions and experiences that have comprised my four years in this space. It is sad to acknowledge that I relate to these women wholeheartedly.

Just as I was beginning to enter the freelance world – I was working with a male director who asked me about my experience as a woman and further, an aspiring female director. It’s a rare and refreshing gift for a male director to openly acknowledge that my experience is not the same as theirs. On face value the conversation felt genuine and it felt kind. What I thought was an attempt to empathize, ended up being a master class on the deeply rooted gender issues within this industry.

We spoke on for a few moments – film this, production that – until he asked me a question. “Why do you think you haven’t had a really bad experience yet?”

I thought about it for a moment. What does he mean? “A really bad experience?” I must have looked at him with bewilderment. It took a moment for me to process what had just been asked of me. I felt naïve in my lack of immediate response. I was muted by the latent assumptions that were just made.

Sometimes the existence of a question is critically more important than the question itself. The fact that this director felt it was ok to ask me why I haven’t been bullied, belittled or preyed upon in my work place felt strange. The assumption in this accidentally loaded question was that it was bizarre that I hadn’t been preyed upon and further – that it will happen eventually. This simple question over a coffee became a harrowing reality check.

Why are men unconsciously placing the ownership of harassment or assault on the victim in question? Why are women those responsible and accountable for the actions of the men in power around them? And why is this man (who to my knowledge is not a predator) comfortable asking me why I haven’t been viewed through a sexual lens in my work place? How has the industry been mangled into such a form that a director can casually and conversationally inquire as to why I haven’t been targeted sexually by men in power? All of this flooding my mind as this director chatted on.

We talk further. A bombshell.

“Oh Dani – the reason no one would make a pass of you is because you’re a ball buster. You’d call them out on it.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The tone wasn’t even derogatory – it was verging on complimentary. A male director had just openly told me that the reason I haven’t had a bad experience is because people perceive me to be a woman who would say something about it – as though my outspoken nature had granted me some kind of rape culture hall pass.

But little did this director know – that in my reflection – I actually have had men in power in my work place make me feel uncomfortable on countless occasions. I once worked for an executive producer who made me so afraid of being alone with him that the production assistant and I used to plan our schedules based around neither of us ever being alone with him. And in the prior context of this conversation with this director who had just asked me about my experience as a woman, I could say nothing. This director had already made it clear to me that being preyed upon would have been through my own fruition; like I was somehow in control of that experience. With that on the table, how could I possibly, openly acknowledge the wholly inappropriate ways that men in the work place have made me feel in the past?

How do you openly discuss the issues you combat when the person you are talking to has already painted you as the perpetrator?

My idea of a solution at the time was to speak to the producer – a woman. I thought my safe house was going to be within another woman who understood my experience. Upon telling a producer – in this case, the second in charge of this production company – about the scheduling system that the P.A and I had to avoid solo evenings with the executive producer she told me that that sounded like a “smart system.” She further told me “if you see the train coming – you should get off the tracks.” Yes – a female producer had just used an analogy that suggested women in the work place should get out of the way of predators if they know they are predators. I was floored by another nod to abuse of power that in no way blamed the abuser, but again blamed the victim. The advice was painful to watch her give. I can only assume this was her hardened response to years of these experiences.

Evolution shows that we adapt to survive – it is no different for women in the film industry. Other women have alerted me as to the men who are suspect and their backgrounds of sexual harassment. However, Chinese whispers within the sisterhood does not stop a man from sexually assaulting someone – it merely better equips us to prepare for when it happens to us. Why are we preparing to accept something that is universally demoralizing and plainly illegal?

Because we have been told that it is the only way to survive in this industry – that those at the top are men anyways, so speaking out is worth nothing. Thus, we perpetuate the narrative that silence is valuable and self assign the responsibility to “get off the tracks.”

I don’t believe that anyone becomes a filmmaker because it’s an easy livelihood – this industry is competitive and complex. Most filmmakers – men and women alike – become filmmakers because it is their undeniable passion. This means that when you consider speaking out you are not only risking losing something that pays your rent – you are also risking losing something that is your dream. If you’ve ever worked within or in proximity to a creative industry you will know that being a creative is generally not a choice. It lives within you, and it drives you entirely. Why do you have to consider giving up something you’ve worked your entire life to achieve because someone cornered you at an agency Christmas party? How do you self negotiate giving up that dream because someone put a hand on your inner-thigh in a preproduction meeting?

It would be irresponsible not to acknowledge my current position. I am at a point in my career where I can and do deny work based on the ethics of those in power – many women cannot. Further, I am white and middle class which affords me even more capability to speak up. I cannot even begin to image how a true experience of intersectionality would make writing even this piece that much harder. This issue is endemic of the film industry and advertising – and I cannot speak on behalf of every woman but I can speak on behalf of myself; a woman who has chosen to pursue a traditionally male role in a traditionally male space. Those in power need to be more conscious of the way our predisposed approach to these issues ultimately vilifies victims and perpetuates cones of silences.

If a director can openly suggest that the reason I haven’t been targeted (to his knowledge) is due to the unashamed use of my own voice then that is confirmation enough that women’s voices are somewhat feared. That is what is going to change this industry. All social change begins with conversation – silence is a vote for sexual harassment to continue being normalized. I know how multifaceted the decision to speak up is – it’s a total beast. There is so much on the line, but if our voices speak in unison at just the right time in history after a global event like the Weinstein scandal then it will be worth so much more. You are personally responsible for being more ethical than the society you grew up in. And thus, I am personally responsible for writing this piece.

“Getting off the tracks” is not a solution. For the sake of future generations of female directors, actors, writers, art directors, producers, cinematographers,
managers, coordinators, production designers, editors, runners and many more – please speak up so future women don’t have to have a “bad experience” and can focus wholly on what we all came here to do – make incredible work.